He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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