The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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