Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
