im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
