Jerry, you need to find god
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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