So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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