He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
