the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
