I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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