I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
