So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
