I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
