so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
