well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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