walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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