Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
