Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we have pet lesbian snakes
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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