I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
