I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
