We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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