Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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