Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
