Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
