Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
