Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Come share oat with me in your robe
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
