I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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