Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
