o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
