my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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