she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
