we have pet lesbian snakes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
