Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
