I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
