If i come over, it means nothing
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This baby is an asshole
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
