well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
