Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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