I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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