Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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