32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
