The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
