I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
