i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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