We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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