she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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