You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
