I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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