; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
