yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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