If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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