I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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