Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
