happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
