You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
