3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
